Dr. Kramer is a clinical psychologist licensed in Massachusetts and Vermont. She earned her MA and PhD in Clinical Psychology from New York University. She has a private practice in Concord, MA where she offers psychotherapy for children and adolescents, parent coaching, consultation, and presentations for schools and community groups.
In November, I participated in the panel The Anxious Generation: Supporting Teens in a Tech-Driven World. The audience asked a wide range of thoughtful and important questions which inspired me to share some practical strategies parents can use to support healthy family communication around technology.
To frame this topic, I encourage you to adopt a mindset that views conversations about technology as a series of ongoing, low-key discussions. Technology is a broad and complex subject, and these conversations will naturally evolve as your child grows, develops, and encounters new forms of technology. As with other important and challenging topics, the goal is to keep lines of communication open by talking about technology often, gently, and by consistently weaving your values into these discussions.
When possible, rather than focusing directly on your child’s technology use, try using examples involving third parties to guide conversations. Many children feel more comfortable discussing a peer’s experience than talking about themselves. For instance, if your child mentions a classmate who posted something hurtful in a group chat, this can serve as a starting point for a conversation about digital citizenship without directly addressing your child’s behavior or choices. Similarly, watching a show in which a character faces a complicated technology-related situation can open the door to a discussion about responsible online behavior without making it personal.
When you do talk with your child about technology, set an intention to lead with curiosity. Over the course of a typical week, your child absorbs a great deal of information about technology, gaming, social media, AI, and more. It is understandable that parents feel pressure to warn children about potential risks of technology and electronic communication. Whenever possible, try to resist the urge to lecture or slip into teaching mode. Instead, at least some of the time, shift into a stance of learning alongside your child—for example, by asking them to show you why they enjoy a particular game or app. Build a habit of asking open-ended, nonjudgmental questions such as:
“What do you like most about that game?”
“If you were designing a game, what features would you want to include?”
“How does that app compare to ___? What do you see as the pros and cons of each?”
“What do you think makes this chatbot so appealing?”
“What have your teachers said about using AI for school assignments? Do you think most students are following those rules? How do you feel about that?”
Thinking about the ways that technology impacts child safety and development can feel overwhelming, and it makes sense that many parents feel stressed by this topic. Be gentle with yourself if a particular interaction doesn’t go as planned. Viewing conversations about technology as an ongoing series of touchpoints provides a helpful reminder that you can always return to a topic another day, try a different approach, or simply say to your child, “That didn’t go well. I’m sorry. I’m trying not to be judgmental about this topic but, as you can see, this is still a work in progress.”
